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Football Funnies: 30 Most Ridiculous Quotes in Football Commentary

“I don’t know what I’m doing here”

Neither did we Roy, neither did we. The famous words of Roy Hodgson in his final press conference as England manager. I’ll tell you what you’re doing there Roy. You’re there to explain yourself. To explain how god awful England were in the tournament. To justify why you’re the highest paid manager in the tournament on a salary of £3.5 million a year. To explain to the fans that spent money following the team, why they’ve have been so useless.


Anyways, following on from Hodgson’s ridiculous statement, we have a look at the silliest and most ridiculous comments in
football.

“Will Chelsea qualify with ease? I think they will, but it won’t be easy.” Jamie Redknapp

“Footballers these days often have to use their feet.” Michael Owen

“That would’ve been a goal had it gone inside the post.” Michael Owen

“That’s a fantastic penalty, but he’ll be gutted it went wide.” Michael Owen

“When they don’t score, they hardly ever win.” Michael Owen

“I’ve been consistent in patches this season.” Theo Walcott

“The pass for Wright-Phillips was overweight.” Alan Shearer

“The thing about goal scorers is that they score goals.” Tony Cottee

“Fulham haven’t had a shot on target, which is why they aren’t in the goals.” Tony Cottee

“I don’t want Rooney to leave these shores but if he does, I think he’ll go abroad.” Ian Wright

“Belgium are outside dark favourites to win the group.” Iain Dowie


“I look forward to hearing from the silent majority.” Alex McLeish

“Sometimes you want Obertan to open his legs and do something a bit exciting.” Alan Pardew

“Giroud scored a brilliant header with the last kick of the game.” Chris Kamara

“The atmosphere here is thick and fast.” Chris Kamara

“It’s so daft, it’s almost stupid.” Chris Kamara

“He had it on a plate, he had the sausage, bacon and eggs on it as well, but he couldn’t take it.” Chris Kamara

“It’s real end-to-end stuff, but unfortunately it’s all up at Forest’s end.” Chris Kamara

“Ronaldo’s been given a second yellow for arguing with the life support… err, the linesman.” Chris Waddle

“They were numerically outnumbered.” Garry Birtles

“Reading won’t have the confidence to be confident.” Paul Merson

“It was a damp squid for Liverpool” Paul Merson

“After Chelsea scored, Bolton epitulated.” Paul Merson

“When Everton knock it long, they don’t knock it long.” Paul Merson

“Liverpool have just rolled the last bit of dice.” Paul Merson

“Matty Jarvis had acres of time there.” Stan Collymore

“Getting picked gives you half that confidence, or 50% of it.” Glenn Hoddle

“The word desire is fantastic. We need desire, hunger and a lot of times, I use the word horny to my players.” Louis Van Gaal

“The Merseyside derby games are unique in the city.” Brendan Rodgers

“Jordan Henderson is a player who likes to do his business in the middle of the park.” Jason McAteer

“That’s exactly how you head a ball… you use your head.” Ray Wilkins

“I think one of these teams could win this.” Andy Townsend

“Spurs have been here before at White Hart Lane.” Clive Tyldesley

“Didier Drogba’s just a big loveable lump. Graham Norton seemed to get inside him last night.” Clive Tyldesley

Words by @DominicTrant

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